Secrets Card

S E C R E T S

(lonely. under a bus.)

secrets. fester. destroy. chance at an honest life. suddenly dropped. on my face. i must find a space. to carry. these secrets. i send them to sadie. on envelopes. the secrets can.not. sustain life. which maintains its own secrets. creates lies. to cover them up. soon enough. the secret was smothered. alone on the left. is the lie. which becomes the new secret.

tearing at my flesh. secrets that began as lies, covering for other secrets. i’m wondering why. your skin is an aching organism. how many other feet have walked in your shoes. who stole your boots? carried your dreams? no longer a collector of stories. a dreamer of lies. echos.

suddenly cramped in the space under a bus for twelve hours. nine people. no windows. no bathroom. no food. silence. the hum of the wheel hot under my ass. fleshed up against a stranger. always touching. never speaking. silencing each other. this bus is a nightmare leading to a life of daydreams which can never truly exist in this land of make-believe. someone told me about this place. created stories, covered up with lies, masking secrets and now i’m stuck here too.

Learn Card

L E A R N

(ways in which to grow.)

knowledge. now. from a ledge. sitting on the fire. escape. for a defined period of time. to contemplate. perhaps. to jump. to learn. to watch birds. trees move. a cat comes. I click. at it. silence. take space in. breathe. listen. period of quiet. reflect.ion. ankles tinge. the bowels. learn. from the ear. to hear. as in, to shut up. this once.

loud students. a bus stop. cram. wear uniform colors. hormone display. cuss words. hard.cover text books. the cafeteria. learn. where to sit. with whom.

soothing brilliance. red yarn. sculpted into hair. attached to a piece of glass. as in, art. learn to appreciate the fantasy. the idea. learn to allow. art. without teachers. only silence. ancestry. to guide you. through this tempest. of knowledge.

imagine college. read. books. some.one. suggested. take them. at their word. speak some other. language. become. a doctor. study. sturdy.

for.get a job. one that promises pay. don’t. become an artist. for money. poetry pities payment. become a poet. for spirit. to acknowledge. the god.dess. erupted from some.w.here. with.in. for knowledge.

Kill Card

K I L L

(deciding who lives)



Kill or be dead. like a warrior. soldier. in Iraq. I wrack. my brain. search for reasons. set fire to people. impale them. People like me. who am I. killing. buying their pain. Because of my needs. for heat. my car. movie theatre experiences. Kill them all. don’t stop. some may live to speak. the horror. Some may come. attempt revenge.

Imagine fois gras. once a.live. force fed fat. swollen liver. tortured with me. in mind. or pigs. chopped. bled in silver rooms with saws. chickens. cows. Bludgeoned.

Lamb of god. his constant killing. in a flood. no. twice. once with noah. once in the sea. drowns them. severe water damage. so learned my military. pleasant name like waterboarding. remniscent of wakeboarding. on the beach. with dad. questions arise. can it be? torture? gag with water. confuse lungs.

Sacrifice my one and only. son. sacrifice eating. meat. on fridays. only kill the fish. dolphin safe. tuna. dead tunas but the dolphins are safe. don’t harm the dolphins.

Share Card

S H A R E

(together we can)

break it in two. we can share. one half mine. one half yours. one of two. our brother approaches. share with him. learn to share. our bedroom. at night. we play “guess what I’m thinking of.” I say, it’s blue. you guess. correct. share laughter. you fall asleep. snore. steal the silence. horde it.

we can not share. the baby. you can hold it. this baby is mine. don’t tell mom. she won’t share. is that why you left? separated by seven. states. she couldn’t share. sanity. her limited amount.

I have a coupon for a shoe discount. you are barefoot. call it generous. generalized. sharing. or your last mango. share with me. we are all hungry. here. haven’t had a good mango. ever. as in, during my lifetime. share yours.

shares of stock. pieces of labor. owned by those who do not sweat. to split up the profits. to splice between the fat guys. from america. mostly.

natural re.sources. share until they deplete. until they are exhausted. cannot contain energy. share with neighbor. build a community windmill. share the noise. the success.

(.polyamory. don’t. try it.)

Birth Card

B I R T H

(towards creating a text.)

moving in that direction. towards birth. as a process. between three people. beings. your father. myself. you. we did it together. as a collaborative process. with ecstasy in mind. to feel pleasure. divine. eruption of glad. play of skin. flesh. sweat. naught. completed in private. without audience. for no ones benefit but ours. copulate. to copulate then to birth.

missing somewhere is movement. missing some. where is a moment. of ex.change. fluids. from within. miles inside. lava. enzymes. from this exchange of enzymes becomes you. fetus. zygote. idea. poem. alive in your own. right. before me. but not now. now you are. with me. of me. growing. my death brings yours.

remember your father. his name is whisper. he will periodically offer. inspiration. he is my left leg and my right. opening together when you began. again when you release. a celebration of poetry. a joy to have in class. graduation.

Pleasure Card

P L E A S U R E

(ways to feel better)

there is music. performance. if you listen. receive. re-see. music as a substitute for prozac. attempt to dance. soothe nerves. swing with it. dueling guitars like friends. chase one. another. around the room. teasing. with passion. emotion. nice music that my father used. to groove. in the living room. eyes closed. fingers snap. mother would sing.

mmm. like orange juice. in the morning. hot coffee fresh. with cream. sugar. phantoms bite. between my thighs. reconstructing. last night. the laughter. the ice cream. scary movie. warm messy bed. feather pillows. empty glasses. your smell.

the phone rings. vibrates. anticipation quells. communication. verbal caresses. some one to love. relief. she is safe. home. shoes off.

blessings. grace. apologies. release. bury the dead. rejoice. sit with the water. with a friend. make imaginary sculptures. abandon pride. discard anger. connect. begin. enjoy.

Wager Card

W A G E R

(the pull out method)

ah yes. the pull out method. another excellent choice. whose idea. mine. o. terrific. traffic jam. just pull out. no problem. no aids. or AIDS. capital letters AIDS not aids like helpers. no invasive dis ease.s. no leaks. just put the head in. pull out. remove it. re move. to move again. re-. before blasting. off. out. pull out. like an astronaut. a military expedition. in the face. splat. ter.

pulling out. as in: stopping. not complete. leaving. good bye. see you. pull out. with effort. to pull. use strength. drag skin. effort. pull.ing. pulling out. as in: no longer in. out. side. away from. space. bet ween. now is a terrible time to wager. pull away. push toward. to push toward and then pull away. lean in. lean out. two hands. pull a rope. play tug of war with my insides.

pull out as a choice. yours. not mine. not excavated or exiled. not evicted. expunged. no military inside. pointing weapons. no agency of relief. pull out and come. somewhere. else. not her.e. come t.her.e. choose a.not.her. place. knot here.